a small death

I feel it coming - I have self-diagnosed my condition. My death is coming soon. A small death, you could say, though I feel the weight of it- death of the person I've been to a person I'm to become. I am cognizant of this coming end and I am already in mourning over the change it means to the me I've been. I'm not unaware that death, in this case, means a rebirth to a new me, perhaps even a better me- a me that can better handle this stage of life or at least be more prepared to handle it. But that doesn't change how I've loved the me I've been, how I've appreciated how this me has rolled with the punches and triumphed in the bad time, found ways to stay positive.

I hope I like the new me as well.

the coming storm

The air has been heavy all day- pregnant heavy. The sunset sky took on that pre-ominous hue of blue-gray that belies the impending doom of a dangerous storm. And slowly, as night overtook the day, the danger of dark is accentuated by the forking-bursts of silver-purple lightening. The flashes are eventually accompanied by the booming sounds of cracking thunder as the sky surges into a full-blown storm.

And, I can't help but think how this example of nature can layover my life as a transparency of my current events.

The summer has been a continual series of unfortunate events, each one a little more costly than the last - and I've been trying to ride them out- safely, cautiously- like a buoy out at sea. And as I brace for each wave, I hope that there will be a break in the tremendously growing swells, but find that there is only time to breathe, to catch my breath and brace for the next hit. And now, the bracing comes within the impact of the next bit of drama. And I wonder, at what point will I lose the endurance to brace-for-it and be required to ride through the pressure completely unprepared, naked to all the elements of negativity...and I will pass to the other side intact?

And amidst all this, I remember that storms eventually pass. The sun shines again. And I can make it through until then- to pick up the bits, if there are any, or just to brush off the whole of me and keep dancing.