something good

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Have you seen Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade?
There is this moment towards the end of the movie when Indiana must take a step of faith onto the invisible bridge. His father is dying and he needs the Holy Grail filled with the water of life to save him. So, he is scared to death to step out, because there is a deep, cavernous fall; but he is as scared not to act for fear of losing his father.

Have you read the Gospels in the New Testament?
There is this story about Jesus and the disciples. They were floating on the Sea of Galilee. Peter is in the boat, looks out towards the water, and sees Jesus walking on the water. Peter wants to follow and calls out to Jesus, "let me follow you." And Jesus says,"Come." And Peter steps out of the boat and starts walking on the water towards Jesus! He gets scared, starts sinking; and Jesus picks him back up.

And here the twain shall meet.
Just call me IndyPete.

As of this moment, I am out on that invisible bridge; I am out on the sea, and those waves are CHOPPY! I want to trust in the path, but I am afraid that the next step, the unknown path, won't be releaved in time. I am afraid to fall; to sink; to drown.

I have faith- enough to ask for more.
I have taken some steps- enough to know that the next ones have been revealed.

But with every single step, the pressure mounts; and there is more at risk.
There is so much at stake.

Do I cross the "invisible" bridge, get to the other side, find the Holy Grail?

Can I ignore the CHOPPY waves and look towards Jesus with never failing eyes?


I would love to tell you that I was confident enough in myself, in my faith that I was doing the cha-cha across the bridge; and salsa dancing with Jesus through those choppy waves. But I am not.
These are timid times.
I am unsure of so many things.
Confidence is slow in returning; and direction is non-existent- it seems.

So, call me IndyPete.
And pray for my feet.

top ten

Foreword: Jesus, salvation, grace, church, God, the cross, and anything else having to do with my faith will NOT be on this list. Like air or gravity: it should be a given that these things (that Jesus) would be on my list. That, like air, without Jesus there would be no list. And so, be at ease, if I were doing THAT kind of list- Jesus would certainly be #1. But He will not appear on my frivolous, secular MUST HAVES...(at least, not tonight)

10. Crayola: crayons, markers, colored pencils....it doesn't matter. I love the colors. I crave the colors. The reality that there are so many makes me happy.

9. Cookies: But not just ANY cookies- warm, fresh, out-of-the-oven cookies. Preferably chocolate chip!

8. Cool, cloudy days: A guy that I went out with in college told me that he loved cloudy days. That, in fact, he preferred them to sunny days. I didn't understand what he meant then. I thought he was crazy. But now- I know EXACTLY what he means.

7. Crocs: There is certainly nothing pretty about these shoes, but I am all about comfort over fashion. My favs are the Beach or Mary Jane styles. Any color will do!!

6. Escape Pod / Podcastle: Which are sci-fi and fantasy podcasts respectively. Talk about a boost to my imagination~ it is so much fun to have a story read to you and the voices filled in. It is so amazing how many different stories are out there waiting to be told.

5. the first step to a new journey: I have been doing this one A LOT this year. There is so much anticipation and HOPE in that first step. That feeling, that rush in itself can be intoxicating. It can be a literal journey: like going to ATL with Kevin or NYC with Mom. OR it can be figurative journey: facing my weight problem and doing something about it, confronting an old lover and finding out what went wrong, submitting a 2 weeks notice without another job to go to...

4. Dave Matthews: or more acurate pleasure-gasms from listening to Dave. (Pleasure-gasm being similar to orgasm in that there is an all-over flush of pleasure in the moment of immersion into something- just not into THAT something). Dave and I go back a long way. I think he was my first, independent musical love (independent, meaning that at the time I was introduced to Dave, there wasn't anyone else in my life that was influencing me to listen to him.) Dave, Tim, and the band do something for me that no one else can accomplish. The lyrics...the music...the jams sessions...the live performances....(sigh). Just awesome. Significant Dave moments are scattered throughout my life. Dave provides a soundtrack for so many dear memories. Will never get enough. Will always wonder at the freedom in Dave's voice. Will always feel amazed at Tim's ability to pull sounds from his guitar. Will always miss LeRoi.

3. gal pals: not just any gal pals (although I am not trying to belittle any of them!) I am speaking particularly of the kind of gal pals that love you even though you are losing a fight with Coconut Oil Hair Conditioner. The kind of gal pals that you can pig out with...the kind that challenge you to reach for more, to never settle for what you have, who love you even when you are a fashion disaster, who get tattoos with you, who encourage you to create, who aren't scared of your creations- you get the idea.

2. Jason Mraz: And I mean all things Jason- his music, his videos, blogs, pictures, his ideas, his lifestyle, his home, his lyrics. I aspire to his level of word play. I envy his avacado farm. I sing harmony with him on almost every song: to the tormented ears of all people, especially people at work. His writing is amazing. I hope to be that adept one day. I hope to see him in person one day...

1. chapstick: moist lips are important. Cracked lips, dry lips, flaking lips are BAD! Chapstick = moist lips = kissable lips = kisses = long kisses = long, wet kisses (which would be the next number on the list, but sadly, I have run out...)

flowers from my girlfriend

So, there's this girl.
I met her at work.
And we fell in love discussing the similarities between egg rolls and empanadas. There was this amazing moment of spark. Nothing was ever actually said- it was just a moment that passed when we both knew that we were completely interested in each other. And after that moment, we couldn't get enough of each other's opinion. We decided to take this interest outside of work; and had lunch. I dressed up. I knew she would notice. She did. We talked- and found out that we had NOTHING in common. And yet, that didn't seem to lessen the interest. She paid. I felt like we were on a date. It felt weird. She asked me, "what is a girl like you doing in a life like yours?" I wondered the same thing.

And then, things turned.
She became obsessive. There was this continual "things left unsaid" feeling about our conversations. She started to visit my work area several times a night. I was frustrated. I lashed out, "I can't talk. I am here to work." She backed off. We didn't talk. We broke up. Our "out for ice cream" outing was rain checked. I felt bad. I asked myself how old I was and why I didn't have more social grace to handle the situation more smoothly.

I put in my 2 weeks notice. She found out.
She started reaching out again. Sending me notes: U LOOK GOOD 2DAY.
The day before my last, an amazing boquet of flowers was delivered to my office. No name on the card. I felt like I was living in the movie, Bed of Roses. I called the flower shop to find out who paid the bill. No luck- got a machine. Life in the movies is always easier. As soon as I realized there wasn't a name, I knew who they were from. I wasn't the only one who thought so. She came in to admire them. I cornered her. She confessed. I challenged her not to be ashamed or underhanded about such an amazing gift. She said, "The galaxy that lives inside your eyes was in need of a brand new shining light." I melted.

I don't know where I go from here.
But I can't help but be flattered. It is nice to feel pursued, so wanted.
It is amazing that someone else thinks I am special and wants to make sure that I feel that way. And goes out of her way to make me feel that way.
Now, if only she could say that aloud, so that I could properly reject such an admission or invitation.

I am keeping the flowers. They are amazing; and I LOVE fresh cut flowers.
Maybe Katy Perry isn't so crazy after all.

Three Queens and their Poison Apple

Three beautiful queens went to get decorated.
They went to a palor named Poison Apple.
Didn't they read Snow White?

Things I learned today:
1. Take the time to research myspace.
2. Coconut oil and my hair don't agree with each other; and coconut oil ALWAYS will win.
3. I don't like "west coast" style script.
4. Tattoos DO hurt.
5. I have ink lust.
6. There is nothing better than filling a hard core tattoo parlor with the sound of three queens giggling.
7. I really wanted a piercing.

Imaging Specialist

People are sad that I am leaving the Mailouts area of the Records Dept. My question is- Did they expect me to be professionally satisfied with standing in front of a xerox machine for 8+ hours every night forever?

I hope not.

So, this shouldn't be a surprise.

NEED TO START

There is this burning within me to get words out onto the page. I get it every now and then- sometimes I respond to the pain and sometimes, I ignore it.

This time, I plan to do something about it- hence the blog.

Wanted to get beyond the social networks. That way, in case any of my words seem inappropriate, it won't be posted as a news feed.

You have to seek this out- and in doing so, face the consequences of what I may have written.

Hope you enjoy.
And if you don't, hope I get you thinking.