Help me embrace the consequences of the decisions I’ve chosen.

I find myself struggling with sadness and regret. The walls of my compartments are breaking down. I’m usually better at holding it together. This week, it’s been a struggle.

And I’m doing the best I can to train my kid (pushing aside my feelings of hypocrisy) so that he understands bad decisions can often lead to difficult consequences.

Even as he struggles, and fusses and fights, I look at him with envy. Sure, he’s dealing with his outcomes. Suffering, as he would say. But all I see are small potatoes. He’s dealing with small potatoes. And if he can make a solid connection now, hopefully, he’ll be better prepared to make decisions when he’s grown, when lives and hearts and futures are on the line.

Oh, how I wish I could go back to small potatoes.

My future, my story is different because of the choices I’ve made, the situations I’ve handled badly.

This has definitely been a week of reflection, and I’m hoping that I’ll learn the lessons I need to, tuck the wisdom in my pocket so that I’m ready for the next choice that comes along.

Help me be strong. To move on. To be smarter and wiser. To love myself in spite of my faults.