You live to fight another day.

I’m taking refuge in that saying as I type this.

Last week was not an easy week for fasting, and I didn’t do well.

My plan was to fast Monday and Tuesday before heading out to San Diego on Wednesday. I was shooting for at least a 48 hour fast, but I landed at 36.

Which is still great (#hi5 for me), but it’s the root of the choice that has me disappointed in myself – not really the length of the fast.

A lot was happening in my life on Tuesday and there were a lot of feelings running around:

  1. I was helping to manage a full day summit, and was on site for social media and content services.
  2. I was feeling the pressure of not having everything packed for my trip.
  3. I was stressing out about leaving the kid and…did I remember to parcel out the details to caregivers for a smooth and successful transition?
  4. I was really nervous about Dad 2.0 and wondering whether the community would accept me as myself vs. the brand I used to represent.
  5. BILLS. I had bills to pay before I left.
  6. CASH. I needed to stop by the bank and grab some cash for the trip.
  7. There was unfinished business for the trip, including some confusion about my hotel reservation. I needed to call and set things straight.
  8. I was really hoping my new credit card would be in the mailbox so that I could take it with me to California.
  9. I still needed to reserve my rental car for the next day.
  10. There were dishes in the sink that needed to be washed, and I needed to remember to take out the trash.

Sure. I was hungry Tuesday morning, but – as someone who practices fasting – it was the kind of hunger that I could easily put away. Mind over matter. I’ve done it a million times.

But not Tuesday. It just gnawed at me, along with all the other things wreaking havoc in my mind.

Add to that the fact that I wasn’t on my own turf. I was being hosted at a summit at Industries of the Blind in Greensboro, which included 2 snack breaks and a full lunch. I deflected questions through the first snack break, looking busy with cameras and setting up the mic to my computer. And, I was juggling a Diet Coke, so – you know – I wasn’t getting too much attention for not putting food in my mouth.

But, by the time lunch came, the feeling of being hungry was bigger. I had had it up to here with technology, so yea, add that to my list above, and the pasta smelled so good. And…about 4 different people asked me was I going to get something to eat.

BREATHE.

It should have been easy.

No, actually, I’m fasting today, but everything looks and smells delicious.

I might have had to answer another question or two, but that would have been it. It would have been over, and I would focus on my Diet Coke and on my content.

NOPE.

Instead I joined the line – actually, I was pushed to the front since I was the only lady present with a group of gentlemen – and I piled that baked ziti (with chicken) high on my plate…AND picked up a chocolate chip cookie…

…which I pretty much started eating as soon as I got back to my seat.

It was an emotional choice. The whole thing. With all my feelings running around and with me having a hard time roping them together, I just didn’t want to have to be strong. I was tired, running on empty, feeling the weight of a million decisions still to be made, and I was like…darn skippy I’m stuffing my face with this chocolate chip cookie.

Can I have another?

Week 25 – The Numbers

Weight start: 210
Weight end: *Weight in on 2/17/17

Measurements: N/A

Monday: 0


About the numbers…

Weight Start to Weight End: If I break even on weigh-in day this week, I’ll be delighted. I stuffed my face in San Diego. I ate all the good food – ALL OF IT. And, I didn’t really hit the hotel gym as I had planned to. So, breaking even is a WIN this week.

I did so much better last week…READ: Health, Weight Loss and My Will to Succeed

Measurements: Yep. The tight jeans that were getting loose…they were running a little tight by the end of my time in San Diego. Lots of good food. And did I mention…lots of good beer. My poor belly didn’t know what to do with itself, especially after additional Eat Days being added to the schedule. I’m a little late getting this post out, so I’m already 36 hours into the current week’s fast, and I can tell that my body is still working on the process of processing.

Calories: Well, I did good for Monday. Yay me!

I’m smack in the middle of birthday month, and I am confident that there hasn’t yet been enough cake to celebrate my 36th year. And so, with that in mind, I’m looking forward to this weekend’s roadtrip to the coast, where there will be much celebration over shrimp, dip, beer and cake…after my 80 hour fast.